turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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