im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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