do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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