I bet he comes in French.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
