The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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