this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
