the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
