im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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