also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had to cum in my sink.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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