How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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