he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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