just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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