She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
