so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
