I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
