every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
