I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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