Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
