so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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