Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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