I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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