WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
