There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
