Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
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4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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