The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
