I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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