I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
