Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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