i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
