now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
