the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
