i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize