some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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