is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
