Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
