So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
