You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
