he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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