Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
