Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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