I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
