Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
