She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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