Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
