I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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