every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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