Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize