His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
