This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
