I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
