Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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