Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
