Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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