apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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