why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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