just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
