you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize