What a fucking waste of an outfit
I accidentally burped into my bong.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
two words: eviction party
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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