We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
