if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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