I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
