The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
