Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
