Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
